Various Mental Meanderings in the HP Universe
by Idrial Hawke
Summary: One-shot.  a collection of humerous short-stories.


**Be Careful What You "**_**Accio**_**" For...**

Seamus Finnegan had just learned the "Accio Charm" and had decided to practice it during lunch. He had seen Harry use it last year during the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and if Harry had used it, it couldn't be THAT hard. Besides, Harry was lying about Voldemort coming back, so said the Daily Prophet, so said the Ministry of Magic, and as such had probably cheated to get the cup and just accidentally killed Cedric Diggory in the process, so he made up the Voldemort lie to cover up his tragic mistake. The Prophet couldn't be wrong, could it? I mean, if you read it in the newspaper of record in the wizarding world it had to be true... HAD to. And the Ministry also had to be telling the truth... HAD to. Nothing else made sense to the confused Gryffindor.

A sudden jolt brought him out of his ponderings as another student bumped into him and he realized that he probably hadn't moved for at least Flitwick had had them practicing on a feather in Charms class, but Seamus wanted a more inviting target. So, as soon as the table had been set for lunch, he readied his wand and tried his new spell.

"Accio Pumpkin Juice." He commanded, with an expertly executed "Swish and Flick" just as he had learned in his first year. Unfortunately for Seamus, the spell worked exactly as he had commanded as the pumpkin juice flew from his glass on the table and hit him squarely in his chest.

The house elfs in the kitchen of Hogwart's seem to have a sixth sense about empty glasses, so Seamus' refilled with more pumpkin juice almost immediately after he had decorated the front of his school robes with the previous contents of the glass. Thinking he had the problem solved, he tried again.

"Accio glass!" He commanded with a grand flourish of his wand, and as such, every item within ten feet that contained glass suddenly took flight, with Seamus' head as the mutual target. Fortunately for Seamus, and unfortunately for Pansy Parkinson at the Slytherin house table, he ducked quickly enough to avoid the flying projectiles. Pansy took 5 goblets, 2 pairs of eyeglasses, 1 magnifiying glass, and Neville Longbottom's remembral square in the back of her head.

Minutes later, after the Professors had forced cooler heads to prevail, magically summoned all of the belongings back to their owners, and carted an unconcious miss Parkinson to Madam Pomphrey to be nursed back to a vertical state, Seamus began to stew. So many thoughts began to swirl through his head: about himself, about Hogwarts, about Harry, and about the Daily Prophet and the Ministry. If Seamus Finnegan had one fatal flaw, it was his temper. The same type of bad temper that infects most teenaged boys, as a matter of fact. He had just about decided to just head up to Gryffindor tower to his room when he decided to give it one more go.

"Accio Glass of Pumpkin Juice!" Now, if he had uttered this command the first time, or used the same textbook grace of the "Swish and Flick" with his wand, he would have had the desired result. However, in his current mental state- being rather pissed off- he commenced to wave frantically in the air, flailing multiple times in roughly the same spot, the execution of the spell was slightly off. The results being that everyone at his table for five feet either side lost their glasses of pumpkin juice as they hurled straight for Seamus' chest.

Dejected, Seamus Finnegan walked back to Gryffindor tower to clean himself up. He grabbed a clean bundle of clothes and a towel and headed for the bath. While in the bath, he commenced to thinking that maybe he was wrong about more than just how easy it was to perform an "Accio Charm." Once he was cleaned, dried, and dressed, he set off to make ammends with his friend Harry Potter.

**Creevey's Fascination**

Colin Creevey was sitting down to a much-needed lunch in the Great Hall. He had eaten sparingly at breakfast because of some last-minute changes that he was wanting to make on a paper due for Defense Against the Dark Arts class first thing after the meal, so he was starved. As he was finishing his plate, he heard some strange sounds coming from behind him at the Hufflepuff table.

"Mmmmm. Ohhhh! That's. Ohhhh... Mmmmmm!"

He turned around and saw two late arrivals eating their lasagna. They were first years, so he had the feeling he knew what was going on.

"You never had lasagna before have you?" The two young Hufflepuffs turned around, slightly startled, and stared at him for a few seconds, then shook their heads.

"My mother fed us mainly burgers, hotdogs, fried chicken, anything that was quick and easy to fix." Replied the first girl, Rubina Watts. She was a pretty, skinny brunette with long hair tied up in pigtails.

"My family is originally from Germany, so we usually have things like borcsht, kielbasa, and vienerschnitsel. My dad's a muggle and his job relocated us all to London when I was just three." Said the other girl, Samantha Heigel. She still had a bit of baby fat clinging to her but she was still cute and she had the biggest eyes that Colin had ever seen. She had long black hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.

"I spent some time in the kitchen here at Hogwarts because I was interested in how they did everything." Colin explained. "It's really neat how all of the ingredients come in and get made into food. There is a large farm in southern Ireland run by a middle-aged former Hufflepuff whose muggle parents owned the farm until they retired two years ago. The livestock & crops all get apparated in as needed from the farm and the house elfs do everything else from milking the cows to slaughtering, cleaning, processing the livestock into their various meats, to milling wheat into flour and even turning some of the milk from the cows into butter and cheese and even making the pasta from scratch."

"That does sound interesting!" Little Rubina gasped.

"Oh, it is! It was spagetti night when I was watching them. I even helped a little. The house elfs are great! Just a little twiddle of the fingers and the cow was milked. Another twiddle, and a portion of it was aged into cheese. Another twiddle, and the cow was slaughtered. Twiddle: cleaned, twiddle: the fat was trimmed, twiddle the rest was made into ground beef. The wheat was placed on the table, then twiddle: it was ground, twiddle: chaff separated, twiddle: the flour goes into the sifter. The same thing with turning the tomatoes into sauce and making the flour into pasta, not to mention seeing them turn the pumpkins into pumpkin juice. I was totally fascinated the whole time. I can think it's safe to assume that the lasagna was made the same way. I want to be in there one evening to see them do chicken. I assume they kill them before they pluck the feathers. Can you imagine the noise if they didn't?"

"I guess I could." Said Samantha with a less-than-perky look on her face.

"Well, I think I've done enough talking." Both girls were thinking he had done TOO MUCH. "I'll get back to my table. Bye."

"Bye." The two girls said as they put down their forks no longer having a taste for food. They returned to Hufflepuff tower confident in the knowledge that sometimes it's better to remain blissfully unaware.

**The Language of Magic**

Hermione Granger had hated missing a full year at Hogwarts while Harry, Ron, and herself were tracking down the horcruxes and Voldemort was finally defeated once and for all. She had insisted that she would return this year to study for a final year and take her NEWTs. She hated missing the NEWTs most of all last year. Harry, and suprisingly even Ron, had decided to join her.

Ron would never admit this, especially to Hermione (perish the thought!), but he wanted to return back to Hogwarts for his seventh year as well. Partly because it would make things, hopefully, seem like they were getting back to normal(as if any friend of Harry's could possibly know what was normal), but mostly because he STILL had no idea what he wanted to do with his life after Hogwarts. Sure, he and Harry would have some fun playing professional Quidditch and maybe even get to play for the Quidditch World Cup! The problem was that no matter how much fun Ron thought it could be, noone could play Quidditch forever, and eventually, he and Hermione would have to settle down and create a stable home life to raise the future little Hermione's and little Ron's. As much as he dreaded taking the NEWT exams, he knew that he would have to do so in order to find out what type of profession he might excel at. Harry was going to be an Auror, that was almost a foregone conclusion. The only other thing that may make sense is if he took over the musical-chairs teaching post as Hogwarts' Defence Against the Dark Arts instructor, but he felt that Harry's heart just wasn't in teaching, even though he did well with the covert Dumbledore's Army lessons in their fifth year. Ron just didn't know about it himself. Could he be an Auror? Could he teach Defense Against the Dark Arts? He just wasn't sure. Cornelius Fudge had accepted the post for the coming year, mainly as a way of saying 'sorry, I cocked it up a bit.' to the remaining professors at the school, but also because he was a rather accomplished wizard. Noone gets to be the Minister of Magic without some proficiency in the arcane arts. Ron immediately decided that Defence Against the Dark Arts class would be, yet again this year, his least favorite.

There was one other change of note in the faculty at Hogwarts this year. Neville Longbottom had taken over the post of Herbology professor allowing professor Sprout to retire. Basically all of the other professors were in their old posts as they had been the last year that the three close friends, becoming two couples now that Ginny seemingly never left Harry's side, had last taken a class here. Ginny was the only one of them who did go last year, so now she and Harry were in the same year and were most likely going to be taking many of the same classes.

Harry felt he needed to go for his final year as well, seeing as he had been so out of touch with the wizarding world for so much of his life, he felt that any little bit he could learn would be helpful in his later endeavors. He had an ulterior motive, as well, though. He wanted, more than anything else at the moment, to rebuild the Order of the Phoenix. So many of the Order had died in the last year. He had a plan to rebuild the Order of the Phoenix from the ranks of the Dumbledore's Army group that he had been more or less coerced to create two years ago. Of course he knew at the time that something had to be done; and now it seemed that it would work out to be a most fortunate assembly. Also, having Ginny in the same year, and the same house, was going to prove to have its advantages, too.

Ginny couldn't contain her excitement. She was, thanks to the most bizarre (although terrible) set of circumstances, now in the same year as the love of her life, the man she knew beyond reasoning that she would marry the moment he popped the question. She couldn't believe her luck. Her mind was swimming with the possibilities. She walked around seemingly in a daze trying to imagine what a year this would be and then... AFTER! She couldn't think about life after Hogwarts with Harry, because as soon as she began trying out one thought, a new one began to horn its way in to her overly occupied brain.

The four of them had met as they had many times before at the Weasley home. Mostly because Ron, Harry, and Ginny were already there. Harry had taken up residence in Ron's room during the summer, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley only too happy to have him stay as long as he wanted. Harry even pitched in on groceries to help pay his way, of course, over Mrs. Weasley's objections. Ginny had made the most of having Harry there for a full summer, but they had not, as yet, "done the deed." After the arrival of Hermione, they had discussed a few things, and it was decided that instead of taking the Hogwarts Express, the girls would apparate to Hogsmeade, and Ron and Harry would go on broom, which the two of them insisted. Hermione hates flying, and Ginny saw it as a perfect (and rare for an only daughter in a house full of boys) opportunity to engage in a bit of girl-talk. They agreed to meet up at the Hog's Head tavern. When the two boys finally showed up, looking exhilerated, the girl-talk ceased and it was time to get down to business.

"What classes were you boys planning on taking?" Hermione inquired. "I was able to make a brief stop by Diagon Alley to nab a list of available classes on the way from my house to yours. You can look it over if you need to."

"What's this one here? The Language of Magic?" Asked Harry.

"It should be very interesting." Hermoine replied. "It's being taught by the same teacher that I had Arithmancy class with in third year." That would be Fildus Fendlebottom. One of the few remaining wizards left who can claim a direct ancestry from Rowena Ravenclaw. He was a Ravenclaw himself as a student, of course. "I will be taking that class instead of Divination. It covers magical theory in the creation of new spells facilitated by the learning of arcane vocabulary."

"That sounds like it would be interesting. I think that I would rather learn Divination from Firenze instead of that kook Trelawney anyway." Ron said with a chuckle. "Sgn me up!"

"Yeah, I think I will too." Harry responded. "It would be interesting to know the theory behind creating new spells."

"Well, far be it for me to be the one to break the string." Ginny said with a grin. "It seems that we're all going to be in all of the same classes together, then."

"Not quite all." Everyone suddenly looked at Ron like he had fallen off of a parked broom. "I am not going to be taking potions this year. I know enough about it to not get myself killed, and also to know that I have no ability with it whatsoever."

"So what are you taking in its place, then." Ginny asked with a puzzled expression on her face.

"I don't know. Maybe this one here... says Enchanting. It's in the same spot."

"Ohh, you could learn to make remembrals and prophecy spheres. Well, year seven potions class is more about alchemy anyway." Hermione muttered. "Maybe I'll join you." Hermione had, on a few occasions, vioced her lack of fascination with the theories of alchemy. She much preferred a hard science, like the muggle chemistry, to what she viewed as 'fake chemistry'.

"Well, have fun, then. We don't all have to go to the same classes." Harry said. "I think I'll stay in potions. There is, I think, alot of history in alchemy. The history of it is what I'm interested in."

"So, we're all set?" Ginny asked the rest. "When do we head up to the School?"

"Not 'til after a butter rum!" Ron and Harry said in unison.

"Boys..." Hermione and Ginny said in unison.

Two days later, it was morning, and Harry was having a VERY good dream. Ginny was kissing him and putting her hands all over him and just making him feel so good he never wanted this dream to end. It wasn't until a few seconds later that his sleep-fogged brain began to kick in and inform him that he was, in fact, very much awake. Ginny, still wearing her nighties, was kissing him on his neck, laying a trail of kisses from his shoulder all the way up to his ear, then across his cheek, and finally, Harry wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a deep, passionate, long kiss. He had gotten intimately familliar with every square millimeter of her tongue over the last few months, getting to know each bump and curve that he now reaquainted himself with as they caressed each other's tongues with their own. He joked with her a few days ago after a particularly long kiss shared out under a willow tree that their tongues should be on a first-name basis now. Her hands were exploring his chest, stomach, and hips, and his hands in turn explored her back, and sides, and backside. Suddenly, they began to hear sounds of movement coming from Ron's bed.

"Bugger, what's with the noi-OH BLOODY 'ELL!" Ron rolled off of the bed, hitting the floor in a tangle of limbs and linens. After regaining his senses, he picked himself up off of the floor and continued his impromptu tirade. "Blimey, Harry! Why you gotta be giving my little sister the 'Grand Snog of the Century' right next to my snoring carcass!"

"I thought it would be a little bit more effective than an alarm clock." Ginny quipped while straddling her prone boyfriend.

"Gave me a fright it did!" Ron replied. "I thought you were giving the rizz right next to me. I don't want to see that part of my baby sister!"

Harry rose to a sitting position with Ginny still straddling him so that now she was in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and said mischeviously. "My baby, your sister." He then spun around, swinging his legs out of the bed and stood up. Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck and momentarily had her legs wrapped around his waist, giving him one last heavy frenchie before lowering her legs to the floor and letting him go, but not before giving him one last peck on the cheek.

"Buggery!" Ron breathed.

Classes went along as they always do, with this being the first day of doing anything that could be considered work. Yesterday being the first day of classes, nothing ever seems to get done on day one. Today was different, however. The four of them were sitting out on the shore of the lake looking through some of the vocabulary terms from the Language of Magic Dictionary, their textbook, of course, for the class.

"Inflammare Serpentia!" Hermione commanded and made a small circle with her wand. As she continued to retrace the circle with her wand, the circle turned to fire and a flaming snake began to slither its way out.

"Aquios Serpentia!" Harry challenged with the same motions. Soon, Harry's water serpent began to do battle with Hermione's flame serpent.

"Moukhaare Bendikto!" Ron shouted and flicked his wand at the middle of the serpentine melee. Immediately, the two snakes exploded and sparks, steam, and droplets of water went everywhere. The four of them were soaked.

"Aquios negata!" Ginny spoke, pointing her wand at Harry. Immediately, the water evaporated from Harry's clothes and hair. The other three took up the chant. Harry drying Ginny, Hermione drying Ron and vise versa.

"That was a good one Ginny! I'm impressed." Hermione congratulated, putting her hand on Ginny's arm.

"Oh, not impressed with my spell blowing up your snakes?" Ron chided, knowing full well what was coming.

"Ron, your brother is in the business of making things explode."

"Weasley Products do alot more than explode!"

"Ok, let's try some more phrases." Harry said in an attempt to break up Ron and Hermione's arguement while it was still good natured. Then he attempted "Incantatum IrredHerk"

"Oops, Harry, that unexpected shower give you the hiccups?" Asked Ron.

"I'll try it again... Incantatum IrreHerk."

"Let me try, mate." Said Ron, looking at Harry's book to see what he was trying to say. "Incantatum IrrHerk! What the Herk!"

Then Harry, Ron, and Hermione each hiccupped in rapid succession. Immediately, they all turned to look at Ginny, was wearing a sly grin, until they turned their heads to her when she began to bust out laughing.

"That was you?" Hermione asked.

"Hicculo." Ginny pointed her wand at Hermione again.

"Herk!"

The four friends then busted out laughing. After a bit, Ron leaned over to Harry's ear and said, "We've got to get one of the Professors with that one tomorrow."

Right on cue, they both said in unison, "Neville" and busted out laughing.


End file.
